Ok, finally, what Hamburg is really about! After our day exploring the “beach” area up north, we spent our remaining days gettin’ into Hamburg! We had a lot of unique experiences in this large port town: tracing the path of the Beatles (who “burned away their rough edges” in Hamburg), wandering around Groβe Freiheit, re-enacting the execution of Klaus Störtebeker (Hamburg’s beloved pirate) on the banks of HafenCity, finding ourselves in very strange conversations with old German men in antique stores, and a lot of quality time with swans.

I’ll start with the swans. Personally, swans are not my favorite water fowl. I’m not sure why they are so closely associated with love and romance because they are mean, dangerous, and the cause of many issues while trying to enjoy water-side strolls with a small dog. So, we were standing at the Rathausplatz in Hamburg, watching the tourists acting crazy with the swans. One particular tourist was so ridiculous that our tour guide couldn’t keep the group’s attention. He rolled his eyes and said, “Well, the swans are pretty special here in Hamburg so there is nothing we can do about it.”

Computer editing always makes things look more wonderful than they really are.

Back in 1266 a law was enacted in Hamburg which protected the swans from being hunted, harmed, eaten, harassed, and even verbally ridiculed. The swans are so important because of a legend stating that as long as there are swans living on the Alster (the two lakes within Hamburg); Hamburg will remain a free city. If that is true, then I don’t know what to say about the state of the city when looking at his guy:

Yikes! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for Hamburg!

We spent a beautiful afternoon walking along the shores of Hamburg’s two lakes, as well as through Park Planten un Blomen. It is a huge, green oasis in the middle of urban Hamburg and probably one of the nicest parks we have seen in Europe. It is a lovely park, comparable to Central Park (except that nothing compares to Central Park!).

Similar to Hannover, Hamburg has a church which it has not repaired since WWII, leaving it stand as a war memorial. Within the church, St. Nikolai, there is a sculpture of a person sitting on a pile of rubble. The sculpture is called The Ordeal and is a memorial site for Sandbostel, a huge prisoner camp in Lower Saxony where more than 50,000 people perished. The pile of rubble is built from original stones from the prisoners’ barracks from Sandbostel.

The Ordeal sculpture in the lower left corner.

Our favorite corner of Hamburg was definitely Speicherstadt, the redbrick warehouse district. The Speicherstadt used to be the main port area of Hamburg, with spices and wares being stored in the warehouses. Because it is actually a little island, Speicherstadt was free of port taxes in the late 1800s. Obviously, that was only short lived.

Ok, so no matter how I phrase this next sentence, it is going to come across as questionable, wrong, or off-color, so I am just going to put it right out there. I have learned a lot about Germany’s legal prostitute trade during this road trip. Not just in Hamburg, but in the north in general. There is no trying to hide it up here! Here are some observations regarding “ladies of the night” in northern Germany: they work during the day on Sundays too, they are not afraid of soliciting business in front of the police station, and they think fleece-lined moon boots and fanny packs are sexy. There is one street in Hamburg where women and under-agers are “verboten”. I actually read some stories (involving buckets of urine) describing how women (visitors, not workers) are harassed and mistreated if they enter this street. I decided not to take the risk.

There are even miniature representations of north German’s “recreational activities” in the Miniatur Wunderland! I’m not going to go into detail, because I’m sure your imagination won’t be too far from the truth.

Have Recreational Vehicle – will travel.

Hamburg is definitely a dynamic and changing city. It is currently undergoing Europe’s largest urban development project, HafenCity, which will increase the size of the city by 40% (which is already Germany’s second largest). The 2020’s are the time to be in Hamburg! Not only will the Miniatur Wunderland be finished, but the city will need your tourist money to pay the 15 billion Euro price tag for HafenCity. Book your tickets now!

First stop on this beautiful fall day was the UNESCO town of Lübeck! If you like marzipan, Lübeck is the place to go, being a leading world-wide manufacturer since 1806. Personally, I think marzipan tastes like it has been sitting on the shelf since 1806, but that’s just me! The Halstentor city gate is a national icon and what all non-marzipan-lovers come to see.

The Halstentor Gate

Next, we drove on to Kiel for a fish lunch, some seal-viewing, and more importantly, to see the German Marine Ehrenmal in Laboe. Originally a memorial for the Germany Navy, it now serves as an international place of remembrance for all sailors who are “still on patrol”. Beneath the memorial, underground, are flags, wreaths, and plaques from numerous countries, commemorating those who have given their lives at sea.

280 foot memorial on the left, U-Boat on the right

Across from the memorial is a U-Boat museum, which allows you to actually climb through the submarine and see just how cramped it really was. Sorry…it was U-995, not U-571, so no Jon Bon Jovi sighting today.

“I’ll flip you for who sleeps under the torpedo.” “No way, I slept under it last night.” “Okay, I’ll sleep under it tonight, but you have to sleep next to it.” “Deal.”

And finally…after 26 months…we finally made it to the beach in Germany! Joe doesn’t look happy about it, but he really was. It was actually ridiculously sunny on this day.

Talk to any German and they won’t shut up about how much they love Hamburg. Talk to any non-German and all they know is that Hamburg is home to the Miniatur Wunderland museum. So…that’s where we’ll start.

The Miniatur Wunderland must have been the brain/love child of a model train geek and a doll-house enthusiast. It is 6,400 square meters of different areas of the world recreated in miniature. With 13,000 meters of train tracks, it set the Guinness World Record for longest model train set. Complete with airplanes that take off, working traffic lights, moving boats, real water, and simulated night and day, it cost a whopping 12 MILLION Euro to build (that is 16.5 million USD on the exchange rate of 10/15/2013). Don’t worry though; it is still expanding, with a completion goal of 2020 and a budget of a cool 20 MILLION Euro.

The airport parking area…downsized.

Here is what Joe and I looked like at every airport-reunion for five years.

Yeah right. I would never travel from Miami to San Francisco in a strapless dress, without sensible shoes, and with a suitcase that required actual lifting.

After I got over the abhorrence of how much money is being spent on such a “first world” indulgence, it was pretty interesting to look at. There are sections recreating Germany’s past (complete with famous East German solider, Conrad Schumann, who jumped over the Berlin “wall”) as well as models depicting “Utopia” according to the views of Germany’s various political parties. However, what was most interesting to me was discovering the sense of humor with which 262 employees have spent over 580,000 hours placing 215,000 human figures within the models. Indulge me here for a bit.

Here is some guy trying to figure out how to get his horse out of his Mercedes, a man who fell through the roof of a port-a-pot, and a bicyclist who actually fell off the edge of the model.

Then there is this guy, who is furious that he ran his car into the light pole. Well yeah…that is what happens when you operate a motor vehicle while wearing a tiny black speedo and matching black socks!

But wait…go back. What is happening uphill from the car wreck? Don’t sweat it…it’s just two lovers, enjoying the afternoon, un-phased by the chaos below.

Just go back to the previous picture and look more closely, then you’ll see them.

The Miniatur Wunderland has a lot of hanky-panky going on, which we found pretty entertaining. It is actually pretty typical “Hamburg”, but I’ll explain that later. So, the blouse in the bushes tips you off that something more is going on here. After closer inspection, one finds a little boy who has run off with the garment that used to be under the blouse. It doesn’t end there though. The entire debacle is being watched by the creeper in the trees with the binoculars.

It’s easy at this place to get so ensconced in the tiny details and forget to look up…I mean waaaay up. In the Switzerland section…high up in the mountains…you think you know what you are seeing, but you’re not quite sure. It looks as though there are a bunch of naked people in the snow and someone taking their picture. You look around to make sure that there are no children present, snap a picture, and then huddle around the camera with your husband to zoom in and confirm your suspicions. Yup…you were right. Lots of naked people.

The Miniatur Wunderland actually has a section of the museum dedicated to a timeline of its development, explaining certain elements of the models, including this one. In August of 2007 an American photographer collaborated with Greenpeace Switzerland to photograph 600 naked volunteers on the Aletsch Glacier, to raise awareness of the impact of global warming. A year later the Miniatur Wunderland added it to its models.

Finally, here is my favorite scene in the Miniatur Wunderland: a floater being pulled out of the river. Ha!

Stay tuned for the rest of real Hamburg!