Today, Joe and I spent the day enjoying the Christmas spirit and festivities of the French, in the Alsace region, which is just a few minutes across the border from us!

First stop, Sélestat. This town claims to have had, in 1521, the first Christmas tree in history. I feel like I have heard that claim in numerous other towns, but apparently the record is viewable at the Bibliothèque Humaniste.

Apparently they also like pretzels as much as the Germans do!

Our next stop was the town of Ribeauvillé, which just may be my new favorite French town. However, the focus here is not going to be on what a quaint little town Ribeauvillé is. Nope. Today’s emphasis is going to be on two critical elements of human existence: eating and peeing! Yeah!

Ribeauvillé was our lunch stop, and quite a lunch stop it was! The Christmas market was Medieval themed, but I’m not quite sure if all of our lunch options were medieval, or just French.

Here was the menu:

“Pain” is french for bread

Lard and Pain. Sounds like something Chuck Norris would serve at his restaurant, if he had one! When it arrived, it was exactly as stated. Lard on bread. Looked like pain to me. I skipped it.

Then, we came across a huge fire, with something turning on the spit. Oh yeah, it was two huge boars. No mistaking what was on the menu here.

Sorry vegetarians.

As we were walking around town, we noticed several pieces of tall wood that were just standing in the middle of the street, smoldering. They looked like total fire hazards to me, but no, they were personal bacon-smoking stations. I mean…lard-smoking stations. Bon appétit!

The Germans have a bad rap when it comes to vegetables – they basically don’t serve them. However, I must say, the Alsacians must have a phobia as well, based on our day. To prove my point, here is a Würst, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon. It might come with some “pain”, I don’t know.

So, after lunch and drinks, nature began to call. We followed the signs to the public bathrooms, and this is what we found:

Gentlemen on the left, ladies on the right. Bucket filled with sawdust on the left, porta pot filled with sawdust on the right. While I was inside, I was looking at the sign on the door. Obviously, I couldn’t understand the French, but according to the pictures, the sawdust is composted at farms, after being fertilized by merry mead drinkers like us. I don’t know what kind of farms, but let’s hope it isn’t the ones that supply the vegetables for the Farmer’s Market!

The multi-language conversations that were being held outside these “green” porta pots were really interesting. So were the looks on the men’s faces when they realized what was going on. I wasn’t the only one who found it entertaining. One woman made her husband pose for a picture as he was walking out! To be completely honest though, they didn’t smell like a usual porta pot. In fact, they didn’t smell at all. Maybe the rest of the world should catch on.

Final stop: Riquewihr. Best part: huge cheese!

Vence – We came to Vence to see the Chapelle du Rosaire (Chapel of the Rosary), which contains artwork by Matisse and was gifted to the nuns who nursed him to health between 1947-1951. He believed it to be his masterpiece, despite creating it in his eighties and being nearly blind.

Sadly, when we arrived to take a look, it was closed. If there is one thing I have learned whilst traveling Europe, it is not to believe anything that is published anywhere about opening/closing times.

Locked Out

Vence

St. Paul de Vence – Visiting these small towns within the hills made me wish I knew more about old French painters. St. Paul de Vence is a quaint little town, filled with alley ways of artwork and wine shops.

Streets of St. Paul de Vence

Chagall is buried in the local cemetery. Not a shabby view for eternity!

Ultimately, St. Paul de Vence is best viewed from afar.

Eze – Eze definitely had the most beautiful views of the Riviera. Especially from the cactus garden, Jardin Exotique.

There are sculptures scattered throughout the garden, by Jean-Philippe Richard. They are called “Earth Goddesses”.

Gorgeous!

Nice – Nice was the home-base of our French Riviera adventures. It is actually the fifth-largest city in France, which is hard to imagine unless you climb up onto the Chȃteau Hill and get a good look at the city, beaches, and promenade from above.

Ironically, here is where we spent our beach-time. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the Atlantic.

Hmmm….I thought I came to France?

Nice is famous for its stone beaches. I’m not going to lie- they look ok from afar, but they are super painful and HOT! We brought chairs, thank goodness, but even walking into the water was excruciating. Laughing at other peoples’ attempts to gracefully enter and exit the water became our favorite beach pastime. When you are in the same room with us, ask to see the “Nice Walk”. Joe does it best!

Cannes – Cannes is actually where Europe’s “upper crust” used to come to sunbathe. They believed that lying on Cannes’ sand beaches (instead of Nice’s rocky shore) would cure their ailments.

Then, of course, is the Palais des Festivals – home of the Cannes Film Festival! Here is the auditorium and the stairs of the stars!

Antibes – Nice and Cannes have the notoriety, but Antibes is where the rich really come to play, and also where Picasso once lived.

Cap d’Antibes

Vauban’s Fort Carré used to guard the important medieval port, but now stands watch over hundreds of sailboats and yachts.

The port has an impressive line-up of some of the world’s largest/most expensive yachts, called Mega Yachts. We did a little Google-ing whilst ogling and “Anastasia” on the far left is priced at a cool 75 Million Euro.