I spent the morning in German Court today. Small excursion with my class. Apparently at my level, I should be able to understand legalese and the undergoing’s of a court proceeding…in German. That’s a joke, if I ever heard one!

Actually, I was pretty shocked at how much I really did understand, wenn ich mich selbst loben dürfte!

And pretty shocked at how the whole thing went down.

First, the State’s Attorney read an eight page paper describing the alleged incident. He read it SO fast, blurring everything together, and with no intonation whatsoever. I did, however, catch the following vocabulary: drugs, suitcase, Netherlands, Germany, numerous kilos, green Mercedes, smuggling, Golden Tulip hotel, intent to sell, IKEA parking lot, Freiburg.

You can piece the missing 7.9 pages together yourself.

Next, the judge explained that each of the accused would share his personal life story before statements of guilt/innocence were given. No oaths, no swearing in, no talk from any of the 5 lawyers that were there. Just personal life stories. From beginning to end. No kidding. Don’t leave any details out.

The process took 30-45 minutes for each individual. Everything from elementary school names and levels to the duration and involvement of every romantic relationship, and to every failed job attempt and career consideration. Previous drug use, as well, of course. The level of detail was almost absurd. If it is illegal to ask or tell in an American courtroom, then it was shared here. The judge was asking all the questions too, in a very caring, smiling, concerned fashion. “How do you feel today? Do you have any pain today? Do you think your mother’s partner served as a good father figure to you?” I wasn’t sure if I was in a courtroom or a psychology office.

One of the defendants had a hearing problem, so the judge yells, “IF I TAAALK SLOOOW AND LOOUUD, WOULD THAT BEEE BETTER FOOOR YOU?”

“Yes!!” I shouted back. “That would be great!” Ha! Just kidding. The judge and I sat directly across from each other, with the accused plumb line between, so I almost thought for a second he was actually talking to me. Wouldn’t be the first time I was asked that question.

Needless to say, we didn’t get to the end of the trail during our visit. This one was anticipated to last for three to four days. I’m not going to lie. I really enjoyed it. I might become that creepy foreign girl who hangs around the back of the local courtrooms. Yikes!